When I was dating my now husband, we often spoke about the concept of children. We mutually agreed that the idea of procreation wasn’t at the forefront of our minds but if it happened, then it happened and if it didn’t, so be it. I am aware of men and women with the strong desire to have children and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The human species is incredibly great at survival and that should be celebrated. The thing with us is that we never really ‘tried' to have children, we just didn’t use anything to stop the process. After almost eight years of absolutely nothing, it became quite clear that it wasn’t going to happen! There’s a reason some don’t reproduce, let’s just accept that.
Generally speaking, my experience is that society doesn’t consider a man and a wife to be a family without children. Fortunately, my husband and I know that we are already a family. To us, a family is a unit, whether it consists of two people or ten. We have never considered the option of IVF because I do not feel scientific intervention for procreation is a suitable way forward. Saying that, we are not opposed to other people making that choice - What they do to extend their family is up to them, of course.
There was a short period of time where we considered adoption and even began the gruelling process to adopt. There were two reasons for this; Firstly, at that time, I think we felt we were perhaps trying to conform to social roles, simply to meet the expectations of society as a married couple. Our friends were entering what I call 'the norm' and we felt like outsiders. People would ask if we were going to have children and we felt a certain amount of pressure. Secondly, we do have a strong desire to nurture and protect but not necessarily just the human species. We have accumulated many small pets as a way to express this side of us but part of me also feels this is not our future either.
We don’t envy our friends or their lifestyle of parenthood and we are incredibly excited for them and their beautiful children. Before you ask, yes, we do enjoy being around our friend’s children - Just because we don’t have children does not mean we dislike children (which is another misconception of childless couples).
We are the type who dislike crowded cities, full of monstrous buildings and hordes of people, offering little in the way of nature or wildlife. We also believe humans are on a destructive path, much like Sir David Attenborough has pointed out and, somehow, we want to be able to make a change. Today, we have ample time to focus our attention on what we are passionate about, that is, the natural world. We have an alternative mission as a family of two, we are in the process of living that passion. I think our nearest and dearest know where we’re at and definitely accept our family as it is.
We are considered the most dangerous animal on earth, but we humans also have the power to be the kindest and most restorative to the natural world. We can do so much in such a short space of time, just look at how the world has changed, we can reverse some of the damage. Now is the time to start living with nature and discontinue this path of destruction.
We will continue to do whatever we can to help restore nature, campaign for more green space, volunteer to help wildlife, fight for change. Every little, tiny bit helps, it’s our passion, it’s what we care about and your children’s children’s children will hopefully see a restored world in years to come (If humanity hasn’t already invaded Mars by then).
Love,
The Childless Family.
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